ET go home?

Lot’s to catch up on and much to plan for the new year. I always seem to get some phony sort of anxiety attack this time of the year. Sometimes I believe in sitting down by some water source and reflecting by my evils of the year. It used to be the beach but…

The beaches here seem toxic and crowded compared to Perth. Bah!

Mom’s just visited. Dreary news from home include the ill health of my grandmother (dad’s mom) . Not close to her.Still, a hint of sadness. I don’t know why. Maybe because dad is sad and I am reminded of mortality. That I should be around my parents more.

Occasionally, I get asked when I’m going home. i.e Singapore, i.e for good. The answer is no, I guess, for the foreseeable future. It’s not like I hate the place, nope, there remains a degree of reverence. The sort you have for an estranged parent. — you love them…but you know they give you ulcers….and vice versa.

Home, it’s a strange word as this point I guess. Guess it doesn’t always have to be the place you were born, but a place that bears your dreams, your thoughts your life. Guess home doesn’t quite feel like home when you feel that what you are about gets picked apart bone by bone, soul by soul and destroyed. Then again, understand that I don’t hate my hometown, All I have is an understanding that, perhaps at this point in my life, living in that place is just not going to do it for me and vice versa.

Guess the only catch is that I’m leaving my family there and having to watch my little brother grow up from a distance. I do miss home but if I return I know I stop living.

A little ponderous we get sometimes.

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