First off, thanks for the overwhelming response to the Zombie Christmas Carols. Cheers for retweeting it, blogging it and forwarding it to friends, we should make this a yearly thing eh?
Happy New year to all too. Hope the year is unfolding nicely for you.
According to the long gone Mayans we have 2 more years to go before earth shits it’s panties and heaps mega tsunamies on humanity…if we believe the crappy movie version. All the more reason to enjoy more music and entertainment while we can ain’t it?
On this note, I’m very pleased to be announcing that your Royal Madness has been asked to join the Polymorphic Orkestra where I will be playing the Guzheng and Hulusi, Jazz style. I join Lee McIver – Trumpet/Laptop/FX • Peter Slattery – Hand drums/percussion/Drum Kit • Able Cross – Bass • Videokidz – realtime video and animation mixing. Sound triggers visuals, visuals inspire sound. The Polymorphic Orkestra is an amalgamation and exploration of improvised electro acoustic musics and video animations.
All this is part of the Kinectic Jazz Festival which is on the 28th – 31 Jan. We play on the closing of the festival on 31 Jan, tix for the day are $20. For $50, you will get to see a whole heap of awesome jazz musicians play. Ain’t that a bargain?
Dear Minions
More Christmas Zombie songs. If you are already subscribed to the mailing list, the MP3 is well on it’s way to you. This is a sequel to “Walking in a Zombie wonderland” Which is still available for downloads here
For the rest of you who have just joined in…join the minionship for this sequel. This tune will be made available for a limited 14 days.Hurry..oh…and sweet zombie dreams (lyrics below)
It’s beginning to stink like lots of zombies
Ev’rywhere you go;
Take a peep at your barricades glistening once again
With innards and their really smelling foul
It’s beginning to look a lot like the end.
bodies everywhere
But the scariest sight to see is God’s own undead spawn
at my own front door.
Bouncing betties and gpmg
is the wish of granny and dad.
The dead that won’t talk and won’t go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen;
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for the raids to end it all
It’s the beginning of the armageddon
Ev’rywhere you go;
Santa’s dangling from the tree, he’s swinging from his guts
And he really doesn’t seem to mind the snow.
It’s beginning to look a lot like the end;
The air raid sirens sing
And the thing that will make it stop, is give up give up now
Let us eat your braaaaaiins….
(PS: Taking a break from the studio and I’ve been playing way too much plants vs zombies…this picture I got while firing cob cannons while my brother pressed “printscreen” on the ready…we all need polaroid pictures of zombie kills)
I’ve been wanting to do these zombie chrismas songs for a good long while. Somehow, the image of crying toddlers, scary parents with bulldozing prams, violent shoving shoppers remind me of the zombie apocalypse. Either that or I’m not very good at melding through crowds…or you may say that I am quite simply…THE Grinch.
So as promised. Here’s a merry new year and happy christmas gift to everyone from Your Royal Madness. (lyrics below) About Rudolph being Patient Zero in a zombie world. Major uber thanks to my manager for going along with this and happily helping me on my way to being excommunicated and sent to the island of eternal repent. (oh goody…always wanted me own island…yaaaarrr.)
And if and ONLY if you sign up to my mailing list, there’s THE SEQUEL that will be delivered in secret links via newsletters in the next week. So sign up! sign up!
Else…if you have already done so…feel free to
tweet link Walking in a Zombie Wonderland
retweet,
blog,
bug editors of other blogs….like this one ( io9) , if it gets covered there…it makes MY christmas.
Sabotage/ replace this song in your neighbour’s christmas collections
for the truly demented…I never told you to teach this to your underaged niece/ nephew/ spawn…bad minion, down minion, no no NO Minion….
or…for something a little more more constructive…
. tell people to sign up to the mailing list for the sequel
. drop money into my paypal christmas stockings (You may treat this as a form of online busking)
(All proceeds go to the making of the video clip of the “cannot be named” single in the new album. I’m raising some dosh specifically for a hire of a Red Camera. Most of the team from “Lenore’s Song” has gathered again, we’re putting funds, blood, sweat and tears into it again, all for the incurable love of entertainment and additional help from you, the minions, would go a very very long way to helping us on our way. So go forth, spread the word, spread the widget. Your royal madness needs you more than ever now. More about the video clip in the next post.)
Till next time,
YRM
Yunyu
Sign up sign up sign up!!
ps: soul’s Alive is still available as a FREE download should you sign up for the mailing list. The gathering of the minions is the first step to my minionship of zombie armies of sorts.
Oh yes …the lyrics…
Walking in a Zombie Wonderland
Sleigh bells ring
are you listening
in the north
ice caps are melting
there a virus awakes
and quickly infects
Rudolph with a dripping red nose
who ate my reindeers
says Santa
you’ll have to do
Red nosed reindeer
You look a terrible sight
But I’m on a deadline
Teleporting through the christmas wonderlands
Patient Zero was a kindly old man
Last seen running from a crazy deer
Neighbours say it might be Reindeer Rabies
That’s why he’s on a biting spree in town….
Put him down
they conspired
He didn’t stay down
the spread is dire
Now they’re missing half a torso
and still chewing human morsels
Walking in a zombie wonderland
On the border we will build barricades
We will scan for marks and zombie bites
We’ll say “Are you human”
if you say ” No man”
We will blow your brains to “jingle bells”
Nuclear raids
Ain’t it thrilling
though our skins get to peeling
we’ll spasm and lurch
the dead human way
Walking in a zombie wonderland
Gone away are the humans
Here to stay are the zombies
We’ll spasm and lurch
the dead human way
walking in the zombie wonderland
twitching in the zombie wonderland
lurching in the zombie wonderland
Continues to evolve at a glacial pace but has since moved miles. It’s an awesome collaboration with people I admire so..I thank my minions for the patience. We have big plans for the album and when I say plans, I really mean more games, more fun for the minions…in a very sanity challenged way.
SCIFI AND FANTASY COLLABORATIONS
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One other project I’m working on in the realms of Sci-Fi and Fantasy is ……., which I am really excited about. For dark serious reasons(boring paperwork) I cannot tell you just yet but what I can tell you is the first song for the project is a killer you will leave your web for.
I WILL BE IN YOUR EARS.
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Lastly I bring news of a collaboration spanning 3 continents to be launched early 2010. Your royal madness has been selected as a featured artist for a new range of audiophile designer headphones.There may even be a limited edition Yunyu headphones release you can get your paws on. I will keep you posted
MP3 GIVEAWAYS FOR BEING A MINION FAITHFUL
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Because my minions have been so terribly lovely and patient with the waiting. I’ve decided to pillage my vault for some treasure. These are songs that were written for the last album “Spiked Soul” but for various reasons did not make the disc. I offer them to you as an appetiser to feast on while you patiently wait for the the main course
“_ _ _s_ _ _ _ a _ _ s” Oh my. Is that a clue?
There’s more free tunes coming…together with some Christmas surprises. So get your friends to sign up to the list.
SIGN UP TO MAILING LIST TO GET FREE TUNES
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This post is, decidedly, part 3 of the horror series. To read the freshly renamed part 1 and part 2 of the horror series. Follow the links. Halloween is over, but you know me, I do declare 31 Oct my personal christmas since the TV tends to yield the best of horror on that day. So much horror…it almost feels lovingly personal. Not sure how long the horror series is going to last for but I’m guessing it’ll continue till until my brain combusts or the minions revolt.
This week, instead of a continued stay in the organic folklore of South East Asia (I promise we’ll return to that…but it’s a time-eating post and since I spent the weekend entertaining brain eating birds from North pole) I thought we’d leave the creepy humid jungles of SEA and speak instead of the Twilight Zone series made in the 1950s.
Truth is, Dad has been ranting and raving about the series for as long as I can remember but really, it’s hard to take Dad as a reliable reference for pop culture. Especially when his idea of selling 50s entertainment is mock killing me with random broomsticks and declaring himself SHINTAROOOOOO!
All this just about wipes out any potential for him to be a reliable taste maker in my books.
That is…until I stumbled onto 21 gigs worth of 1950s twilight zone episodes. I brought them to Singapore for dad, who looked at me like it was double Christmas on speed. We watched one of them together sometime last year and to date it’s become (almost) my sole source of entertainment.
For those not in the know, Twilight Zone is a Scifi/ Fantasy anthology TV series. The original series ran from 1959 to 1964. The original concept was so sucessful it birthed 2 series remakes. Each episode is lovingly introduced and closed by the main writer Rod Serling where he sprouts general interestingness and morals to the tale. The style might be deemed too theatrical for the modern age, but really remains quite endearing.
My progress is slow, there are over 150 episodes in the full 5 seasons and I’ve only just started on season 2 , these are my highlights to date. Video embedded and -again – in my opinion, scarier than tv-crawling Sadako. Your Royal Madness says you must watch. Especially when she has spent the entire afternoon finding/embeding complete videos for your amusement.
*** Enter boring as batshit legal banter here…episodes are property of CBS, but yeah, if u like it, buy it etc etc ***
Here we go. Episodes and some DIY Rod Serling style wisdom…
season 1: PERCHANCE TO DREAM - is what happens when you take too much Red Bull and spend WAY too much time in carnivals. I don’t know why, it reminds me of a horror classic called “Carnival of Souls” but in a bite sized horror filled 20+ mins.
THE SIXTEEN MILLIMETRE SHRINE – is reverse Sadako. Instead of things coming OUT of TV it’s things going IN. Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3
WALKING DISTANCE – more beautiful than scary. If interactive, mind reading, 3D polaroids that could directly interact with neurons were invented. Our journeys would look like this.
A WORLD OF HIS OWN – where the writer character reprogrammes reality like Neo from the Matrix. Except this happens half a century earlier.
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
A STOP AT WILLOUGHBY – where a funeral services owner gets new clientele by sending subliminal messages of happy death. This is quite funny to me because I do live rather near the suburb of Willoughby. Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
AFTER HOURS – See this is what happens when you eat too much food out of plastic containers. For added creepy strange, I think the main actress looks like Bjork
Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
This selection is brought to you by Your Royal Madness, who woke up realising her “time-verse” shrunk and is doing a Shintaro style battle with time to finish all she needs to this week.
This week we take to figuring out how to get animation pre-shoots happening in time for the main video shoot hopefully by end Nov (or early dec) . In the meanime, I shall be praying to all superhumans, gods and psychic spiders that this happens according to schedule.
Oh…and my manager has convinced a very cool principle to let his choir sing about cults and murders. YAY – All part of the glorious, epic efforts of finishing this monster of an album.
So it’s back to Your Royal Madness’s attempts to distract/entertain minions with blog posts….while the album continues with it’s journey at glacial speeds and she STILL isn’t allowed to talk about it. She will, however, see about getting some snippets on site, or maybe play them via a vlog, if she can manage to hide the overall concept while doing so.
** End news flash**
In my last post I mentioned that it was quite a pity that most of female related horror had gone the way of Sadako and I had some to add from Singapore, which is pretty much where I grew up. A lot of it is pretty much oral history, from neighbours, grandma, family etc and rather than have it ferment and mutate at the back of my brain from forgetting, it’s good I get to place them here.
The culture/ background of these tales:
I grew up in the far northern parts of Singapore, where, compared to the rest of the island, was quite underdeveloped. It meant that I was still living within walking distances to the last remaining Malay Villages (aka. Kampungs) until I was in my early teens. Dad used to be able to take us into the villages so we could have a look at village life, we had a great time exploring empty atap houses, broken down schools and old chinese/malay graves…oh..and we always could buy the freshest vegies.
No, we don’t eat things that grow on graves, I can hear you you know.
Oh…and did I mention, “The goat ate my homework” would be an excuse worth trying, given that goats really did crowd around the bus station where I waited at to go to school. (Though most times, I got rides from Dad) Also, if you listened carefully to the old men gathered at the nearby coffee houses, you would understand that they were verbal curators to some very strange tales which was always good fodder for a very young brain. Then the villages got torn apart and replaced by army bunkers which basically broke my pre-pubescant heart.
Of course, these villages still exist on a sister island called Palau Ubin and some rare parts of Singapore and I’m thinking a visit to these places have been long overdue.
I hail from a Chinese family that had been living in South East Asia for awhile — 3 generations from Dad’s end, 4 generations from Mom’s – who moved from Malaysia to Singapore. (Actually I think one of my grandmothers might be a Strait Chinese – which probably means one of my ancestors married a Malay – not sure – it might explain some of my features. From memory she was always wearing the Strait Chinese garment…who knows? I tried asking, but never quite got a straight answer. I am increasingly curious too…)
Like many Chinese families that settled in South East Asia, eventually, you mix DNA, cultures languages and spiritual beliefs. In my case, we become very familiar with the Malay, Chinese, Indian and Western realms of ghouls, demons and other supernatural in-betweens. Not too surprising to find that we share alot of ghostly equivalents with our South East Asian neighbour, Thailand as well, since tales do travel and ghosts are assumed to be a bit less aerodymamically challenged. Video below is an overview of some of the best ghouls in South East Asia.
In many cultures, the definition between demons and ghouls blur after awhile. These beings I will mention here are no Sadako. Since Sadako is like Spice Girls for ghouls and is about to die the gruesome death of media exposure, these ghosts will trump her on the scary ratings simply because they are not her. IMHO of course.
I shall start with Malay ghosts first…because they are my favourite on the gory/scary scale. You might soon see why. The source of stories come from the elders in the family and 3 brothers who have gone to serve in the army (which is apparently a hotspot for hauntings or major nightime hallucinations), oh and the internets. I could send you the best forum links for these things, but they are coated with a strong dose of the local lingo – which, unless you speak Singlish, Hokkien,Mandarin and some bits of Malay, is guaranteed to sound like absolute gibberish.
And if you must go to the source to see for yourself. This is a good one to try but I wish you luck. Kyochiro’s Ghostly Tales. is, without doubt, my absolute favourite.
Otherwise you might want to let your Royal Madness play your guide on these matters.
Like most oral records, it is in the nature of folklore to behave like crazy DNA with jumping genes -These tales do not quite stay as one ultimate CORRECT version – but rather, come in variety packs that point to some general idea of story. So bear with me while I try not to confuse you. yeah? Here’s 4 of my favourites.
Pregnant Ghosts
Ghosts that return to attack nearby villagers, pregnant women and children because they died of childbirth and are generally pissed off about what they cannot have. Sad really Malay ghosts have a common association with a flower named “Frangipani” and if they are anything to go by, you will fear them after these tales as well.
Name: Pontianak (full name according to this site is : Hantu Pompuan Mati Anak) Pet names include : Miss P, Cik Pon The Bad Google translate will say:
Hantu = Ghost
Pompuan = Female
Mati = Dead
Anak = Child
therefore = “Ghost Female dead child” The locals will say: Female who died at child birth. Etymology: Malay Grudge: Version 1: Died during childbirth, seeks revenge Version 2: Abused by male associates, seeks revenge Version 3: Did not get enough pre-natal care, died as a result, seeks revenge Hollywood equivalent: Vampire-like/ Vengeful spirits Habitat :Banana trees, or in Tree tops. Feeds on: (Different versions different diet) Nearby villagers. Your internal organs// Blood of other newborns// Blood of pregnant women
Looks like: Pre attack : A beautiful woman, in white. Long hair. (Long hair is a pre-requisite in most female ghosts), In scarier versions, they are shapeshifters. Attack Mode: Scary, old wrinkly with long black nails, long fangs. Smells like: Arrival heralded by strong smell of frangipanies, which slowly turn to smell of rot when you get too close
Sounds like: Arrival is heralded by dog howling or a baby’s cry Special Attack Move:
– Digs nails into your gut, makes spaghetti out of your intestines. Loves internal organs. If after revenge on certain male individual: will rip out/ devour sexual organs…ouch.
– Locates prey by smell of clothes – that’s why it’s a bad idea for clothes to be left out to dry overnight. Also said to be able to respond to specific invitations. Can we tame it?: YES WE CAN!
Driving a nail into the back of the neck, where the feeding hole is, will turn it back into a beautiful woman. It will even live normal lifetimes as nice wifey. (Gotta keep the nail in though, removal of nail causes a resurgance of organ eating tendencies. Can we frighten it?: YES WE CAN, she’s apparently afraid of naked women. So erhm…when you see a multi-fanged woman after you with long nails. Ladies…you got the power. Gentlemen…RUN.
Name: Langsuir Gender: Female Etymology: Malay The Bad Google translate will say: NA The locals will say: Female who died at child birth. – Similar to Pontianak Grudge: Died from post natal depression, or specifically dying earlier than 40 days after birth (esp bad because 40 days after birth is considered the “unclean” period in the culture. Some variations say that the tendencies to become a Langsuir is genetic. – passed down from the female side to later generations like mitochondrial DNA Hollywood Equivalent: Banshee/ Vampire Hybrid — variation of Pontianak. Habitat :Tree tops forests Feeds on: More specialised – loves blood. Looks like: (There are many versions of this) Pre attack : Owl with giant claws./ Woman with long beautiful green robe
Attack Mode: Ugly, long nails, red eyes etc. Smells like: Arrival heralded by strong smell of frangipanies, which slowly turn to smell of rot when you get too close Sounds like: Arrival is heralded by the sound of babies crying. Special Attack Move:
Acts like a blood parasite – possesses the victim and drinks their blood from inside out – involves long painful death. (Sexualise THIS Twilight! – then again….maybe not. Maybe never…erhmm…please don’t. The last thing I need is a glittering Langsuir)
Can fly, shrieks like a banshee. Can we tame it?: YES WE CAN!
Break off the teeth and hair of the langsuir and shove the mixture into the feeding hole, also at back of neck. Will live normal lifetimes as nice wifey. I’ve heard legends that tell of a Langsuir living amongst normal homo sapiens for a good long and then turning back to her true form when she dislodged her teeth/hair mixture in some random ancient dance party. Can we prevent it?: (other than making sure that women get the best post-natal care possible) YES WE CAN!
Stuff eggs under armpit (prevents her from flight) , marbles in mouth, needles in palms. All these reduce post death aero-dynamism. In many versions, the dead woman suddenly re-animates, becomes an owl and flies away. Then returns at night to feed. Other versions, dead woman re-animates, flaps arms and flies. No owl-ey transformations.
(Other versions to confuse us with: in some Indonesian versions, the Langsuir is said to be the “Vampire” mother while the “Pontianak” is said to be the stillborn of the Langsuir)
Detachables…More than meets the eye.
My late grandmother mentioned these after a long badger-badger-badger-tell-me-a-ghost-story-prettyprettyplease session, although I didn’t know the name of this ghost at the time of the stories…).
Name: Hantu Penanggalan (in Malaysia) Krasue (Thailand) Leak (Indonesia – according to wiki);
Gender: Female ( there is a unisex equivalent, might mention more later) Etymology: Malay, Thailand, Cambodia, sighted/mentioned in much of South East Asia The Bad Google translate will say:
Hantu = Ghost
Penanggalan = Dismantlement The locals will say: Ghost that separates. Grudge: Was some holy woman/ priestes – Broke her neck in shock because someone ninja-ed into her abode while she was meditating. Apparently, while soaking serenely in a vinegar Vat, a man popped in, and asked her what she was doing. In extreme shock, she jerked her head upwards so violently that her head came out along with rest of internal organs. She is afterwards (understandably so) pissed off as hell.
Some legends have it that the detachable head thing happens when women (why is is always women) spend too much time drinking young virgin blood/ practicing black magic. Never really said why, but maybe a magical non-wrinkley existence probably draws resources from other parts of the body, weakens neck-spinal cord muscle connection. etc etc…. Something of note: Apparently vinegar soaking features quite abit in purification rituals. Hollywood Equivalent: Pissed off Ghost/ Demon Habitat : Normal houses/ Lairs (depending on the version) Feeds on: When desperate, will not be picky. Otherwise, listed in order of prefences
1) blood of little kiddies
2) pregnant women.
Looks like: Pre-attack mode: Older yet beautiful woman, smells strongly/ slightly of vinegar. Attack mode: Has fangs, not 2, but an ENTIRE Mouthful. (sexualise THIS Twilight!!) Head: Head detaches with entrails and internal organs trailing. Does not look very aerodynamic but is able to fly around entrails and all Body:When headless, is weak and vulnerable to attack/ normal decomposition (it is said that pre-detachment, the spirit/demon will soak the body in vinegar, keeping it from oxidising further Smells like: Arrival heralded by strong smell or vinegar Sounds like: screaming women Special Attack Move:
Has fangs, shrieks alot before drinking victims’s blood.
Her entrail’s juices (eek!) cause sores and diseases, also cause weed growth and the growth of a thorny plant, jeruju. You can find her lair by following a line of Jeruju’s pointing to her place of rest
Entrails also strangle/ constrict victim Cobra style. Can we tame it?: NO WE CAN’T Can we prevent it?: YES WE CAN! This is why your mother told you not to sneak up on people. You can prevent her attack on little kiddies by using thorns from jeruju grown from her own entrail juice. Lace doorways with it. There are versions that say that she can get around that by coming up under floorboards. Grandma’s version: she can get you by crawling up through erhm…sewage portals. How violating. Can we kill it?: YES WE CAN!!
Hear headless body is the weakest part of her. Find her lair, mix crushed garlic into her vinegar vat, where her detached torso rests. Instant kill.
Note: I know heaps more detachables. My favourite species. They are SO like biological Constructicons from the way they detach and reassemble bodyparts. *love* Contemplating an entire post devoted to the detachables — If minions request.
Ghosts with very un-streamlined appendages
Ok, I planned to keep the post to ghosts with grudges, but really, the 2 below are too funny/ scary to not mention.
No one pays homage to appendages more than the lore of these ghosts. These species of ghosts own appendages that are actually portals to the other world. I’m really REALLY trying to keep a straight face and replacing some words so that this post doesn’t become NSFW. (Which, given that some of you are reading this from work, this post is SFW)
Name: Hantu Tetek Gender: Female Etymology: Malay The Bad Google translate will say (unnecessary bad PG translation so sad) :
Hantu = Ghost
Tetek = Girl The locals will say: erhm….Breast Ghost Grudge: No known. Hollywood Equivalent: Bogeyman (in this case Bogeywoman) Habitat : Unknown – Comes out in the evenings. Feeds on: I’m guessing little children
Looks like:
A woman with huge double D..mammaries that will dwarf the most stupendous breast enlargement attempts…except that they grow on her back (yes just directly above her arse)
Mammaries are also eternally rotting, overcrowded with maggots. Smells like: Unknown Sounds like: NA
Special Attack Move: Short version: Death by BOOOBS!!! Devours like a giant Macrophage Long version:
Her breasts are rumoured to be portals to the mythical world. Unlike, human mammaries, her appendages are apparently highly mascular and can hide/ squash her victims to death. Also, when the death is complete, her nipples are said to “unite into one”. ( No I am not making this up….I can still hear you you know.)
It is said that she comes out in the evenings, goes for young men and little children, and literally “absorbs” them with her boobs, like a giant humanoid Macrophage. Her victims literally disappear into her boobs while she runs off at the high
speeds – before Dr Who uses her bits to improve his TARDIS’ inter-dimention space travel capabilities Can we tame it?: No Can we prevent it?: No Can we kill it?: No What then?: Don’t go out wandering at night.- You can see how she’s the perfect bogeywoman for little kiddies who don’t return home in time for dinner. Not sure about the young men bit though.
Note: Would love to credit the hilarious drawing of Hantu Tetek but found it on forums that google linked to
Now to be fair, the male version (Bonus ghost since I said I was only going to do 4)
Name: Hantu Kote Gender: Male Etymology: Malay The Bad Google translate will say (unnecessary bad PG translation so sad) :
Hantu = Ghost
Kote = Kote The locals will say: Testicle Ghost Grudge: No known. Hollywood Equivalent: Bogeyman Habitat : Unknown – Comes out in the evenings. Feeds on: I’m guessing little children Looks like: Ghost with Huge testicles that hang off like a tumorous kangaroo pouch. Appendages are said to be rotting and filled with maggots. Smells like: Possibly Rot Sounds like: NA Special Attack Move:
Short version: Death by TEABAG!!!
Long: His testicals are also rumoured to be portals to other worlds. Also unlike normal humans, his appendages are apparently highly mascular and can hide/ squash his victims to death.
It is said that he comes out in the evenings, goes for young men and little children, and literally “absorbs” them with his privates. A fast moving creature, he escapes faster than the speed of light – before NASA captures him and uses his bits as a teleportation devise, after the deed is done. Can we tame it?: No Can we prevent it?: No Can we kill it?: No What then?:
“Don’t go around tonight,
Well, it’s bound to take your life,
There’s a bad moon on the rise.”
This post is brought to you by Your Royal Madness, who hopes that her minions will have sweet dreams thereafter. She also wants to let her minions know that this is dangerous territory for everyone and if you don’t stop her, she will post more articles just like these — she genuinely thinks they are educational and good for your psychological health
She also says “HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!” and wants pictures if minions intend to dress like the above described ghouls
I do love a ghostly tale. Especially one of vengeance. What’s not to like? The idea of death being an actual equaliser, where the weak can come back bad ass as hell is a lovely thought. I have used it myself in the story in writing Lenore’s Song (which incidentally has hit 100 000+ views thanks to everyone)
Then of course, being a ghost and supposedly unbound by boring laws of physics ( or biology for the matter) oh wow, the potential, it really means that there are countless ways to cause mayhem and destruction, which are exciting possibilities for the ghost or the storyteller for the matter. Fertile fertile grounds for creativity….
You would think.
I have recently been given access to a whole lot of horror movies made in the last 10 years, and I have pretty much discovered that despite all the room for possibilities, our female vengeance characters have mostly been limited to
1) Hairballs
2) The classic Sadako Crawl
3) Classic Sadako Crawl coming out of portals – not limited to TVs and Toilet bowls.
To make me point. Here’s a few examples.
WARNING: Scary scenes.
If afraid, watch this.Not sure if it’s less scary since it reminds me of telemarketers and gym memberships. “Wanna be a member? wannabeamember?”
For the rest of you, let’s play a game of spot the difference. ———Scary scenes START here———
Sadako crawl = Macarena Dance for vengeful ghouls
— Patient Zero —
Here is Sadako’s famous crawling-out-of-TV scene in “Ringu”
–The Rest —
The Ring – Sadako’s American counterpart Samara. Here’s her crawling out of a slightly bigger TV, and an upgraded apartment in “The Ring”
This is Kayako coming out of a uterus l from “Ju-on” aka the grudge
Going down the stairs…
This is Natre crawling out of the bed from “Shutter” (Thailand movie – gd plot but must Sadako do a cameo there too?) , Shutter has since spawned American and Tamil remakes.
More crawls/ frozen slug walks and eecky menstrual leakage from “Tale of 2 sisters” (Korean) which spawned the American remake of “The Uninvited”
Too many more, to my count Sadako has left her hometown of Japan and was last seen in all too many Hong Kong movies as well. This one involves a Sadako ripoff sliming her way out of a toilet bowl ( Images from “A wicked ghost”)
———Scary scenes END here, You can come back now.———
For the benefit of those who haven’t seen Ringu or the Ring, Sadako is the main ghoul character that hails from the japanese movie “Ringu”. Mostly known for making killer viral videos and crawling out of the TV. She’s also known for her crazy hair and deformed eye which seems to be the last thing victims see before they cark it from fear, frozen badger style. Her summary as follows.:
Name: Sadako Yamamura ( Movie: Ringu (The Ring – american remake) Nationality: Japanese Species: Onryo – Vengeful ghost (see below) Source of power: Has a grudge – Had some step father issues and mother issues. Father brained her, mother abandoned her etc. Special attack move:
1) Shows victims her malformed eye, whereupon they die of fright
2)makes deadly viral videos which when seen causes death in 7 days.
3) Moves like a freshly defrosted slug resulting in brown underpants and Sudden Adult death Syndrome (SADS) Physical characteristics:
1) Is a hairball, sheds more than your cat
2) Broken/ non existing fingernails
3) When walking, manages to move like a non vertebre animal.
Of onryos and it’s origins
Onryos – otherwise known as vengeful spirits in japanese is not unique in it’s concept. Many cultures have their own variety, where a spirit, bearing great rage and hurt, are able to bridge the gap between the spiritual and physical world and wreck payback, Arnie style. These beings tend to be women. I’d imagine that in the days of lore, this would make sense — what with the uterus ripping early childbirth from child marriages, genitalia mutilation (link NSFW), honour killings and whatever other torture devices made for womenhood living in pre-feminist movement societies. Of course, the added tragedy of this is that some are instigated by womenfolk and their family, hence the which makes the setting ripe for that great rage and betrayal. Old Japan, the setting of most onryo tales, had it’s repressed women, which probably explained why female Onryos far outnumber male ones.
Typically onryos look as follows (but I must stress, are NOT limited to:
1) white/black face makeup
2) White Burial gown
3) Long unkempt hair
Really, there’s a lot of freedom with the look since we’re not talking Kabuki theatre stylings….anyways moving along.
Origin of Ringu
Sadako (Antagonist of “Ringu” herself is a type of Onryo. Raped( if you read the novel )and thrown into a well by her researcher (novel) or stepfather (if you saw the film), she eventually dies after a long time in the bottom of the well. The rest, as they say, is pop culture.
Post death, Sadako is so inspired by her rage that she becomes a well known film maker. Except that her arthouse movies kill in 7 days, and those who watch it don’t survive long enough to nominate her for any film awards. (Which probably pissed her off further)
For those who really haven’t seen Sadako’s cursed video, it looks like she’s graduated beyond video and is now on youtube as well. Warning: may have side effects on mortality blah blah blah…
Nensha (Thoughtography)
Interesting to note that, Sadako’s mother, who also has the same psychic gifts of clairvoyance and thoughtography as Sadako, might also have been based on an actual person ” Sadako Takahashi”. Real life Sadako Takahashi was said to be an expert on Thoughtography and Clairvoyance.
** Thoughtography is the ability to imprint images on film with by sheer will of thought. **
Yotsuya Kaidan — the Kabuki
Also maybe less known is that , “Ringu” itself is mainly a tribute to an old kabuki tale called “Yotsuya kaidan” — loosely translated to “The ghost story of Yotsuya” by Tsuruya Nanboku.
Kabuki that was first performed in 1825 (says wiki) – This story was supposedly inspired by 2 real life murders.
Murder 1: 2 servants who murdered their masters. Murder 2: A samurai who discovered that his concubine was sleeping with his servant. Apparently it was the custom at the time (perfectly legal) to nail adulterers to a wooden board, and throw them into the river, which the samurai did to the letter.
So our storyteller Nanboku mixes fact with fiction, as you do, and proceeds to pen one of the most adapted stories in Japanese entertainment — Yotsuya Kaidan.
It’s a multi part act, quite a long story but here’s a summary of the better known story arc…
Synopsis…yes with some embelishments and personal opinion thrown in….
Unemployed samurai, Tamiya Iemon (pronounced iee ye mon) double deals wife ( Oiwa) who is ailing after childbirth. It all starts when he saves random rich girl from being robbed on the streets. Random rich girl (Oume) discovers she’s in love with her saviour and insists she’s to marry Iemon and her father is to arrange this. Iemon is invited over to Oume’s residence, where upon he says he would like to but he’s married.
Family matchmaker says, “All good..here, have some poison for your wifey, it’ll disfigure her and she’ll die shortly after.”
Iemon is all keen on this proposal, because Oume is from a rich family, and marrying into her family is good for his purse-strings and career. So,Iemon gets wife to take poison. To end the marriage more legitimately, Iemon decides to further set up wifey (Oiwa). He tells his regularly visiting masseuse that it would be a great personal favour if the masseuse would have his way with Oiwa. I think there were rewards promised to the masseuse. (Also, Iemon knew that the masseuse had a crush on Oiwa)
So Oiwa is tricked into taking poison, and is in horrible pain shortly after, to top it all off there’s a bribed masseuse trying to rape her. Oiwa puts up a huge fight and takes her husband’s samurai sword and threatens to pin-cushion the masseuse. She misses and rams the sword into the wall instead. In the midst of this mayhem, the masseuse grows a conscience, stops the nonsense and shows Oiwa a mirror instead and tells her that her husband is no good…blah blah blah, is marrying someone else and look what he’s done to you etc etc.
Oiwa then wants to go reason with Iemon. Says that her post-scuffle hairstyle is not presentable and, she needs to neaten up for her husband, because that’s what good women do **face palm**. So she, puts on a nice kimono, and starts combing her hair, hair comes out in clumps due to the poison. Falling hair reveals the extent of poison on face. Now she has a really bad skin condition on one side of her face, a funny eyeball and a few bald patches. Seeing the extensive facial damage, Oiwa finally flips and, in her hysteria, impales/slashes herself on her husband’s sword. As she dies she curses Iemon’s name and declares Iemon a lemon of a husband.
Iemon returns to his home and at seeing Oiwa’s death, feigns oscar winning theatrics of surprise and betrayal. He accuses the masseuse of having an affair with his wife, and kills the poor masseuse. He nails both corpses to a door (one on each door face) and sends them to the bottom of the river. He then attends a wedding, where he is the groom, all the end of a very long day.
Not long after Oiwa returns as a very powerful hallucinogen to Iemon – whereupon he sees her everywhere he looks, funny eye, skin condition and all. As a result, Iemon
thought his new father in law looked like Oiwa…and killed him
thought his new wifey looked like Oiwa…killed her on the wedding night.
Thought the rest of new wifey’s family looked like Oiwa…killed them all, and goes off running weeeee……!.
Instead of checking himself into a mental health facility for what might be a self induced post traumatic stress disorder, Iemon checks himself into a temple and books himself an exorcist.
Exorcism is Epic fail…. and he sees OIwa everywhere, even in lanterns.
At long last one of Oiwa’s close associates who learns of Oiwa’s death and comes to settle the score and makes beef tataki out of the visually distracted Iemon quite easily.
The end.
There’s a whole other back story (it’s a multi-part act of a long and complex plot) if you’d like to look at the details on good old wiki. I’ve only highlighted and simplified the main arc of the story, so this doesn’t become a history lesson.
The eye: Sadako shows her victims her eye before they die of SADS (Sudden Adult death Syndrome). Oiwa has scary eye issues too.
The combing and the mirror: Sadako’s viral killer movie shows combing of hair in mirror. Long kabuki scene of Oiwa combing her hair is documented. ( in the kabuki play, someone’s actually under the stage pushing corpious amounts of hair out through the stage boards as Oiwa combs her hair – creepy awesome)
The well vs the river…ooh the fishes: both are water burials, they had a lot of time to lie at the bottom of alot of H2O thinking about life….and getting very angry in the process. Of course, this is where I suspect that maybe “The Ring” is a little influenced by a japanese folktale – Okiku, where the protagonist drowns in a well and comes back for revenge. i that’s really where the similarity ends since Sadako from the ring is a whole lot more vengeful and Okiku is alot more gentle in her vengeance. Okiku only goes after her killer, Sadako goes on a rampage.
The assault – betrayal of key male figures in their lives: with Oiwa, it’s the attack or almost attack from the Masseuse and the betrayal of her husband. Sadako was, depending in the book or the film, was sexually assaulted by the doctor she trusted (book) or brained by her stepfather (film) before being thrown into the well. Hence the being pissed off bit, but this is Onryo requisite so maybe it doesn’t count.
Style of destruction: Post life Oiwa kills all characters involved in her tale, does not actually kill her husband, who is the main perpetuator. (Her sibling does) Sadako shows the same lack of focus, kills everyone but the actual perpetuator – Actually, correct me if I’m wrong, but I never really caught what happens to her stepfather.
Facial distortion of victims: To Iemon, Oiwa was able to make everyone look like her and they get killed by a crazed Iemon. In “Ringu” everyone that has watched the cursed video tape appears normal but their images on photographs, however, appear distorted — one eye bigger than another etc. The distortion appears like a mark of doom and they die in 7 days.
The deadly viral aspect: With Sadako it was her videotape that killed when you watched it. With Oiwa, the similarity comes, not from the story itself but the urban legend that whoever adapts the kabuki play, puts themselves at risk of freak accidents. Which is why you need to pray at the temple of Oiwa if you were to adapt this play.
White garment/ White-ish make up - All very common for a yurei (japanese ghost)
Like it’s Kabuki counterpart, Ringu did very well in the box office takings and spawned a host of adaptations, sequels, rip offs etc.. Don’t get me wrong, when “Ringu” came out a decade ago I was rather smitten by the tale. Good story, a nice scare, interesting characters.
No problems there, until, as mentioned, we realise that the classic Sadako crawl and look has affected b-grade horror worse than the macarena dance. Between the countless visual rip offs, the creepy crawly, non-vertebre hairball ghoul no longer inspires brown trouser fear but a certain wish to crawl back into the TV to attack whoever is directing the movie….even when the story is very good.
And of course,bad horror rip-offs are my problem since my muses feed on quite a bit of horror as well. The absence of sufficient good horror makes the muses dangerously cranky.
Coming post
So post next week, about vengeful/ non vengeful supernatural beings etc, from the region of South East Asia, mostly Singapore — a place where I’ve pretty much spent my childhood. Most of it is oral history anyways…so it’s probably good it gets written down somewhere, for my records. Better yet if it inspires the urge to make female ghouls that don’t involve the Sadako crawl or all too similar tales.
**This post is brought to you by Your Royal Madness, who thinks that the post could be 10 years too late,but she did just catch up with a whole lot of horror movies….**
This post is basically about slaying the cancerous hydra mayhem of social networks, because, quite frankly, by the time I signed on to what might have been the 10th social network, which happened to be facebook, I think I was quite over all the manual crossposting and the chaos that came with it. (I know facebook takes RSS feeds but there are the others…the many many others)
I decided that enough was enough and it was time to get some social networks amputation/streamlining happening. Even if it meant involving pretty, shiny knifey things….
Alert***:Long and geeky post, by some standards, but consider this a public service post if you are either
1) using wordpress
2) looking to unite all your blog posts and status updates across all your social networks
3) you. like me, wishes very bad things for the next human that comes up with the next facebook/myspace/friendster clone.
Since all my base is on Wordpress, the post leans toward being Wordpress-centric
Else for those who are simply falling asleep….something on the interweb to distract you with while we do some light geek speak.
**** OH MY GAWD!!! LOOK!!! ZOMBIE SNAILS!!!****
For the rest of us – A History Lesson from a musician’s perspective
Once upon a time, as a floundering musician/ content creator living on the primordial interweb, there were just the websites. You didn’t have to update them, if you needed to add material you needed html and then most of the interaction came from emails, or letters.
It was rather lonely. So we evolved. Yaaaay Darwin.
Then came blogs, which was a godsend, comment features are fun and remain so. Then the social platforms which was still good, still ok, just a blog and (generally) myspace. Oh yes, we can handle that…until social networks met heaps of money, fell in love and decided it was a good idea to breed.
Now they breed faster than cancerous hydra heads of DOOOOMMMM and your royal madness just about loses it trying to sync her blog posts. So slaying the Hydra that is Social Networks has become the first and important order of business.
because
1) time saved from copying and pasting blogs all over the interwebs can be used for other forms of manic entertainment. Like look OMG Mutant Birds!!!
2) Shaving boring, pointless crossposting time is more important than shaving personal ape hair
The Problem:
So here’s my deal, I’m on facebook, myspace, livejournal, twitter, imeem, bebo, friendster, last.fm and god knows what else…I have lost track.
Of course: I’m hearing some news that EVERYONE is on facebook and I should just close off everything else and live on facebook, but we know it isn’t true…and it’s only a matter of time before something comes up to take over scary spam spewing facebookand divides everyone yet again….*froth*
Then if you think it’s going to get better? How about when you can build your very own social networks? (I’ve actually known about this for awhile but am choosing to STILL ignore it)
The Plan of attack
So, in old school seven samurai style, one must have a plan/goal before a battle.
Goal: I want to only deal with Wordpress (for blogs) and Twitter (status updates) but somehow sync these to everywhere else I’m on. No manual crossposting anywhere else.
Period.
Breaking this down,
1) able to send status updates to all social networks at once. Not once at Twitter and another at Facebook etc…
2) Everytime I do a new blogpost, the link to my new post is posted along with post title to twitter and every other status updatey thing on all my social networks
3) sync blog posts to livejournal – because a I’m noticing a majority of you are still there and I rather you didn’t have to click around too much
4) Allow comments posting with social networks login (esp twitter/ facebook)
These below, were the solutions that worked for spidey, I thought I’d put them here so, with any luck, it saves u time being a test monkey for each one.
1) able to send status updates to all social networks at once. Not once at Twitter and another at Facebook and 20 other soc nets.
–>> Ping.fm
Their site explains it all. Basically, it promises to sync your blogs, status updates, microblogs all through one site. You can decide whether to only sync your blogs or your status updates/microblogs (same thing to me)
But here’s what I found
For Microblogs/ Status updates/ twit updates etc – not too bad.I can add links etc, nothing breaks, everything works. What’s better is that it also adds status updates to my aol, skype and gtalk accounts. You beauty.
Blog crossposting – Not for me. From a wordpress perspective. Everything breaks. Ping reads html differently from wordpress who has it’s own html grammar etc, cross posts look broken and mutated. Apparently there are fixes coming but posting only from ping is not going to work for me.- Not to fret…there’s something else for it. (see below)
Status updates that syncs to everything else through Twitter
I really wasn’t going to want to log into ping.fm everytime I sent a short status update, also, I prefer sending out my twitter/ status updates through tweetdeck (desktop app) . I wanted to see if there was a way I could get ping to get status feeds off one convenient source – aka twitter.
Basically the above are instructions of how to set up any website as source (in this case my twitter) , I am now able simply update my twitter and it broadcasts my tweets to all my other social networks.
It’s TEH AWESOME.
Note: The next point brings us into wordpress plugin territory. Most wordpress plugins made in the last year need PHP5 to work. So if your server still lives in primordial PHP4 you need to upgrade. I was told, in most cases, this is a fairly painless process that takes only 48 hours. Simply
1) backup your website
2) call webhost with instructions to upgrade to php5
(you might be able to request that they somehow leave your php4 site on their backup server in case something breaks in the transfer….in any case…backup backup backup)
In case , like me, your webhosting service is run by technologically challenged babboon’s arses…be prepared….they took 2.5 weeks..Fortunately my screams for help through twitterverse got me 2 masters of the geekfu, Bruce and Chris who consequently took time out from their own projects in coolshite, saved my site and saved the day.
— on a note, if you don’t know what Coolshite on the tube is, you should. They are a cool pop culture podcast from Tasmania, Australia who consume and review all forms of media, even the bad ones, so you don’t have to.
2) Everytime I do a new blogpost on my wordpress, I want the link to my new post to be posted along with post title to twitter and every other status updatey thing on all my social networks.
*** Before you proceed a few things:
1) I’m running wordpress 2.8.4 latest version, so plugins work for this version. If you’re running an earlier version of wp, then these might or might not work. Good luck.
2) I’m assuming you know how to install your own wordpress plugins. It’s quite easy if you are already pretty at home with uploading files on ftp clients etc.
3) Again, your server needs to be on php5, or face the wrath of internet brain farts. ***
So soldiering on, I tried a few. So far, my favourite plugin that doesn’t break everything is Shorten2ping.
Shorten2ping gives you the option of sending updates of “New blog post+link+title” to twitter or direct to ping.
In my case, I’ve set it to update my twitter account with “New blog post {link} {title of blog post}” . Twitter then sends that update to all my other networks. (using Notify.me ) Of course, there’s an option there to let u beam directly to ping.fm as well. However you want to set it up.
*** Note; if you are beaming information from Twitter using notify.me, it’s best to NOT include Twitter (which will be your source) in your ping.fm broadcast list (destination)….
or there will be eternal feedback loops where twitter updates ping.fm which then updates twitter which then updates ping.fm which then updates twitter which then updates ping.fm which then updates twitter which then updates ping.fm which then updates twitter which then updates ping.fm which then updates twitter which then updates ping.fm which then updates twitter which then updates ping.fm which then updates twitter
You get the point. Obviously, your royal madness has done something just like this before with loudtwitter and it’s the best way to generate ALOT of content and piss off everyone real quick. So there, feed your feeds carefully…they loop.
3) sync blog posts to livejournal – because a bout of you are still there and I rather you didn’t have to click around too much
I have to thank hacked2death sharing this. Tried a few plugins which promised the world, journalpress works as advertised for me.
Install as per plugin instructions, backup backup backup, then, add livejournal as a mirror. Test posts worked fairly well as those on livejournal can see. Sometimes there are brain farts, but I think they largely work.
Note: I tried mirroring this to myspace blog, no luck. So for those who have figured out how to beam blogs to myspace, lemme know, I’ll place it here for everyone. Have tried some other cross-posting plugins that work for awhile then myspace blog breaks it again.
Conclusions about myspace:
1) Multi-arsed Babboon-like codemonkeys live in myspace and break things.
2) Myspace is a psycho web nun that wants to shut everyone out on the interweb.
3) You should probably try to get out while you can.
4) Allow people to post comments using their social networks sign in.
I figured that the last thing we need is one more username and password when reading/ commenting on my blog, so now you can add comments on the site using one of your many social networking accounts. This way I think we’re all happy.
Intense Debate is a handy dandy plugin in that regard. I’ve seen how well it works on other sites, I guess in the weeks that come, we’ll know how good this actually is. At the moment I like that it lets you sign in with your twitter/facebook/ open ID. Guess the jury is still out on how good this actually is, but I guess time will tell and I’ll keep coming back to update this post and maybe put it on the sidebar so we can all refer to it.
So yeah, if there are better ways around it lemme know. The idea is to make comment posts as easy as possible.
Wish list – this is for you developers, or people who have found the dream plugins I can’t find.
There are a few more items that remain on the wish list. So if you’ve found anything that works add to the comments and I’ll add this to the list.
1) A place to collect all the comments back onto the blog, be they posted on livejournal or facebook etc, they get collected and placed back onto the main blog. I heard backtype is good for it. Have installed it, but it doesn’t look like it does anything. This is important because the minion hive mind need to unite if we are to plan zombie takeovers.
2) A way to reply to comments left from all over the web without signing into the site itself. Meaning I can reply either via my email client or some desktop application. aka I don’t have to log into myspace to reply to myspace comments, then log into facebook because I see comments coming in from facebook just to reply.
This has been a public service post by Your Royal Madness, who does not promise a total fix but hopes she saved you weeks of research and hair pulling and being a test monkey for plugins. Happy social network slaying!!
Ahem * steps gingerly onto the dust invaded altar of spiders* . I’m back again.., after the distractions and the nest move amidst all the mayhem that is life.
Hope you are all well, dear minions. Much has happened on my end, as per the last post. After failing in an epic battle of sonics with the Von Trapp family that used to share spidey’s balcony, the spiders have promptly uprooted her 2 by 3 metre tardis of a studio and left her matchbox apartment to seek quieter ground. Oh I also forget to mention that the final clincher was when the landlord wanted to remove spidey’s alien repelling aluminium foil on her studio windows. This let too much sunlight in and rendered all of spidey’s muses unconscious or foaming at the mouth. (Either which was a huge mess to clean up after).
{Ok…in short my studio window faces a very sunny zinc roof and I have no blinds, so unless suntanning eyeballs and getting cataracts was the latest fashion trend…}
Fast forward into 2 months later…
Finally settled into what was a very chaotic move where there was NO INTERNET but now I’m all happy settled and thought my minions should know. (pretty pics in a bit!) All this and I had a writing deadline for another music project that I can yet mention. ( No it’s not my album…)
so some miscellaneous updates at which I shall be as brief as possible:
Album:
Getting there. Still a secret. Don’t curse at spidey. She’s done with her writing….it’s the other non writey album bits that take time…
Same goes for gigs as well, no shows until the new tunes wail their way into existence.
Non Album updates.
– some projects of interestingness in the world of Sci-fi/ Fantasy which can hopefully be announced maybe…I’m still keeping fingers crossed for this one.
– sketching idea bits for a 3rd album – because this is what you do when you’ve done your writey bits for the second album and you are basically waiting for everything else to catch up.
– Back to regular blogging. Aiming for (in the midst of still recording and video clip logistics) one blog post a week. Yes, your royal madness will be disciplined and write on her alter once a week from here on end. To show that I mean it, I’ll be telling u about my next post everytime I post one . There. Let’s see how long we can keep this up this time …
Coming up -
– Before the return to blogging I decided that the first order of business was to clean out how my wordpress was broadcasting (ie crossposting) entries to the ever growing number of social networking sites that is growing way way faster than mutant hydras of mayhem. — The fact that I am also on, possibly, a dozen other networks other than myspace and facebook is making things generally unfunny now.
So for the benefit of those who face this problem, or similar, consider the next post a is public service one – albeit wordpress centric – because wordpress has all my base. I spent a precious week researching plugins and testing what works and then another week getting it all running, I decided that noone else should have to go through this again.
Internet time is fun time, not painful test monkey time.
Coming shortly… Everyone is everywhere – How to shave time off crossposting blogs and status on the internets…because this is becoming a more urgent issue than shaving personal ape hair.
I has new neighbours. Most times it’s fun to have new neighbours, my last neighbours were naked…alot. These ones are noisy..alot.
I think they are a musicky bunch. 3 Kids. I think. One plays the piano, one the violin and the other owns a drum set.
So far, the one with the piano has been playing inspector gadget for a month and still not getting it past 1st verse.
Violin person is trying to play the Simpson’s opening theme song and hasn’t gone past the 4th note, for a month.
The Drummer, drums at 7.30pm when I’m fresh out of the studio, and need to be music free for awhile….and…well he’s learning…but the drumming’s very bad and I’m too polite to tell him to stop. Except he does stop, intermittently, and picks up a completely different rhythm before he masters the last. I want to twat him on the head to tell him to practice properly.
Then I hear the tunes of inspector gadget again with the same wrong notes since last month and I want to fire missiles from the strings of my all powerful zither.
This entry is brought to you by your royal cranky, who should really be kinder to budding musicians.
***
Malay ghosts have a common association with a flower named “
